2010 New Year's Resolutions

2009 was pretty good. 7/10 Resolutions were kept! I'm like to strive for 8/10 or better for 2010. These have been carefully thought-out for a realistic, yet rewarding 2010.

I. Get 10 hours of exercse per month.
II. Read 20 books.
III. Run 8K.
IV. Engage in a cultural activity at least once a month.
V. Be a non-smoker for 260 days out of the year.
VI. Red meat twice a month or less. Carbonated beverages twice a week or less.
VII. Improve my relationship with alcohol in the following ways.
i. Do not drink to excess.
ii. Avoid using alcohol as a primary source of stress relief or relaxation.
iii. Favor social interactions that do not require alcohol.
VIII. Depend more on public transportation.
IX. Visit one place outside of Seoul or Gyeonggi-do.
X. Practice Optimism.

Bests Albums of 2009

Not in any particular order..

Radiohead- Amnesiac & In Rainbows. I'm pretty sure In Rainbows was one of the best albums of 2008, but I don't care. It's some of their best work. Feeling nostalgic, I got all of their albums in the beginning of '09 and really clicked with Amnesiac. Great instrumentals, good lyrics that still make me stop and think. One of the best bands ever! Kept me awake for all those long subway commutes.

Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. 100% ear crack. Great beats, okay lyrics. A bit modified and "electronified" from their earlier stuff, but I still think this band has what it takes to make any room more fun. Great solos from will.i.am, apl.de.ap and Taboo. And Fergies kicks ass too, though without the BEP I don't find her all too amazing. "Boom Boom Pow", "Rock Your Body", "I Gotta Feeling" and "Alive" were among the best. Great for pre-funk or just getting pumped for the gym.

Lady Gaga - The Fame & The Fame Monster. One of the coolest discoveries of 2009. Quirky, creative and a 100% showwoman. Saw her in concert at the Olympic Stadium Hall. The bitch can write music, has a good grasp of what makes lyrics and has an incredible singing voice sans technology. I also hope she continues to deliver. It's her enthusiasm and her ability to transcend reality into fantasy that the USA (the world) needs and wants to listen to. Rock on, Gaga!

Depeche Mode - Music for the Masses. Not a new album by any means, but it was on repeat from the latter part of June until late July when I ventured to Bali.

U2 - No Line On The Horizon. U2's longest break between studio albums. 2004's "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" also made the list for 2007 or 2008. U2 never ceases to amaze me with riveting instrumentals and their heart-hitting lyrics. "Magnificent" and "White as Snow", though not the main tracks on the album, were particularly powerful for me.

Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak. This was considered West's worst album and in light of the Taylor Swift incident, it might be considered poor taste to list West as a top artist for 2010. But in all honesty, I'm not exposed to his egoism because I don't own a TV and I didn't even know who Taylor Swift was until that whole drama went down. For a big portion of the year, the lyrics resonnated with me. The sour taste that love can leave in your mouth, the wounds that never seem to hear quite right -- the experience of heartbreak has a particular language, a certain feel. His instability in 2009 should be looked at in the context of his life. I'm not going to allow some young whiney country singer's inabilty to retake her spotlight or some instable rap singer's public debachle discount the fact that I found this album to be of similar quality to "Late Registration" or "Graduation".

Music transcends language, for it is the language of the soul...

Madreblu - Necessita. At first, I was only interested in the song "Certamente" after having heard it in the "Commendatori" episode of The Sopranos, in the drug scene with Christopher Moltisanti. But upon hearing their other tracks, I was hooked. Rock, trip-hop and it's all in Italian, which adds to the mystery aspect. I've had a bit of trouble getting the lyrics translated, but I rather like it that way.

Julieta Venegas - Limon y Sal. Mexican folk/rock artist introduced to me by Luis while we were on the bus to the Great Wall. Limon y Sal, the feature track, is just amazing. Peppy, bittersweet and just comprehensible enough for me to know that I love whatever she's saying. Maybe I can start learning Spanish through song lyrics. :)

A.H. Rahman (Allah Rakha Rahman) - Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack. What do you expect from the movie of the year? An incredible mix of India's fresh modern music flavour with traditional Hindustani and hints of Qawwali feeling even ("O Saya"). A.R. Rahman is quite possibly the coolest discovery I made this year. I also enjoyed being introduced to M.I.A., the song-writer, rapper and graphic artist featured on the "Paper Planes" track of the album.

Letter to Santa

December 24, 2009
Santa Claus
The North Pole

Dear Santa Claus,

How is everything going? I'm sure you, Mrs. Claus, the reindeers and the elves are busy getting everything ready for this year's festivities. If you're ever short on labor or need to cut costs, you know that you can outsource to India or Bangalore.. Just a thought. Also, if my private teaching doesn't work out in Seoul, I might also be available for some part-time work next year. I can't actually make anything with my hands nor am I particularly jolly at this time of year, but I do make a good, stiff holiday drink. (Vodka + Orange Juice is one of my specialties. Somebody told me that this drink had already been made before and that it's called a Screwdriver. What do they know? And I never said I was Betty Crocker...)

Anyway, I've been pretty good this year. I quit smoking for 7 months because I care about lung cancer. I tried to be a genuinely good person even though I wanted to be a douchebag at times. I cut back on drinking and exercised more this year than last year. I recycled too, because I want to help the penguins. I could have been a better daughter though, could have called them more.

But I don't want anything for Christmas this year, at least not for myself. Could you just look out for my family, my friends and my boyfriend and make sure they stay healthy and happy in 2010? And also, please watch out for all the new friends I made around the world, like Indonesia, China and Argentina. Don't let any major wars or natural disasters break out near their homes. If you could do that I'd be so happy.

I won't bother with milk or cookies this year. I think we both know what you really want -- there'll be a bottle of Schnapps and a naughty elf waiting outside my door.

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Love,
Nami Lee

Seoul, Korea

Dude & Bull Dog's Reunion

I had a great 9 day reunion with Evan in Seoul. We had a nice mix of social time, alone time, fun time and serious time. We saw Miso, a traditional Korean musical with all sorts of musical and dance elements that he had never seen. Two days later, we saw an all-female drum team called Drum Cat, that combines a lot of modern musical elements with a touch of traditional resonance.

We had a lot of time to talk, eat a nice meal together over some wine, walk around the city in search of that pefect Korean meal, watch goofy infomercials on the German channel, play darts and meet randoms at the bars or play geeky computer games. It was so reassuring to be with Evan in our new context of honesty and commitment. While I am sad that he has left again, I am totally excited for his next visit in February and for the journeys we will take in 2010.

Me and Evan at the station

Evan hanging out in my living room,

right before he cooked a glorious meal for me and Emily.

Me and Evan at Coffee Shop (yes, it's really called Coffee Shop)

One of the most interesting adventures in 2010 will be the one Evan takes to Seattle for work. Sometime in that week, he and my parents will meet without my supervision. I could get all worked up and nervous about it, but what's the point? I am quite sure they will understand why Evan is crazy about me and vice versa. I am interested to see what impressions they take from him and what he thinks of them. In the end though, the results of that meeting are inconsequential. It's times like these I am grateful to be a Westerner, where a long-term relationship is based more on two individuals and less so on the relationship between two families. Still though, a seal of approval from Mom and Dad would certainly be nice.

Transition to The Oneness

I. On Transitions

My whole life has been one change after another, each year bringing me to a new place with new people, where I form a different sense of Self. This kind of life is Ideal because I like to learn and move on, never becoming too settled. This makes all good-byes bittersweet ones. Part of it is that I have never found something or someone powerful enough, exciting enough to tame my adventurous spirit, so I opt to leave in search of new horizons.

This weekend, I will be moving to my 3rd residence in Korea since July 2007, and my 5th residence in 5 years! I will pursue work on my own, hopefully making ends meet (and saving some, too) while attending to some personal goals. The tentative plan is to leave Korea by July 2010, when my F-4 Visa expires. I am nervous and excited about my last chapter in Korea, entitled Korea Chapter 3: Ideal, Balanced & Complete (sounds like a new healthy cereal, huh?). This simply means that I will attend to financial and personal goals simultaneously, both short and long term. It's a part of the Ideal Nami Project that has been in progress for the last month.

This will be my final chapter in Korea for a while, because my next transition after Korea will be the biggest and most important one I've ever made...

II. On The One

As it relates to finding that something or Someone that gets me to "settle", I always thought that The One would be the person who could tame me, so to speak. Who would this valiant warrior prince be? The one with enough power, intellect and charm to persuade me to settle down? Well, turns out he doesn't exist and even if he did, he wouldn't actually be The One.

The One is like me, He is wild and cannot, will not be tamed. Our hearts feel and love fearlessly, our minds explore everything, never satisfied always thirsting for more. Our legs travel the world and our spirits transcend the bounds of Earthly confines. We are zebras, running freely. The One lets me be wild, because He knows that I will always return to him. And I let him do the same because I know that he leaves his Heart next to mine.
I'm talking about about the man of my dreams, my Dude, my Everything. My Evan Smits.

Even though I look like a child next to him, he makes me feel like I can do anything, like the World is my Oyster. He loves me for my intelligence and my independence, he pushes me to pursue my dreams, even when they take me farther from him. He empowers me, but also protects me. He know I like to live a bit on the edge and is the first one to catch me when I start to fall. We talk for hours about anything and everything, Time is but a gentle murmur when we are together. Our minds, our hearts and our bodies are in semi-perfect Union. Our Love is the love of the greatest Hollywood movies. The kind of Love that most people search for but never find.

Sometime in the end of 2010, the biggest and most important transition of my Life will occur -- I will start a new, amazing life with Dude. I know that every choice I've made has brought me to this place. It will test everything that I've learned these past few years. The meaning of sacrifice, the rewards of hard work and dedication and the boundless joys of True Love. To never settle, making each day an adventure full of learning, loving and laughing.

Being with my One is something I've never experienced, but I've waited my whole Life for this, so I'm totally ready and excited to see where this new life carries me...

"The first time he kissed her, each individual moment seemed a nearly endless discovery, a capsule to be savored, remembered and written against his soul."

"This sunset not only tells me who He is, it also tells me why I am here…to love another the way the Sun loves the Earth. "

Rule Breaking & Life Passion

The Cove is a documentary film potraying the annual killing of 2,500 dolphins in a cove in Taiji, Japan. Upon release, the Japanese people were shocked and horrifed that these practices were going on. Citizens demanded a stop to the killings and the illegal distribution of dolphin meat, which contains a near-lethal amount of mercury, to unknowing consumers. The film was made possible by people who believed in something greater than themselves. They risked life and limb to acquire the camera and sonar footage.

Reknowned tightrope walker, Philippe Petit of France, walking across the World Trade Center Towers in August 7, 1974... He was arrested, but his "artistic crime" has lived in the memories or millions.

"To me, it's really so simple, that life should be lived on the edge. You have to exercise rebellion. To refuse to tape yourself to the rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge. Then you will live your life on the tightrope." -- Philippe Petit

"If I die, what a beautiful death to die in the arms of your passion." -- Philippe Petit

Revised Bucket List

Revised Bucket List

1. Backpack through New Zealand 2. Volunteer in Kenya for 3 months; see the Serengeti in Tanzania

3. See Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos while trying to avoid the Banana Pancake tourists

4. Go to Turkey for a month

5. Go to Australia and drink with my crazy friends from Eurotrip 2008

6. Go to Egypt and NOT take a picture of my finger on top of the Pyramid at Giza

7. Visit Luis in Argentina and get him very drunk

8. See Iguazo Falls

9. Go to Ushuaia and ride the ferry to Antarctica

10. See Alaska

11. Own a dog

12. Do a sea turtle rescue in Costa Rica

13. See those weird animals Darwin wrote about in the Galapagos Islands

14. Do a solo skydive

15. Run a marathon (even half marathon would suffice)

16. Never have an incompetant idiot as a boss

17. Write a book even if I never get it published

18. Never be in a relationship unless it's True Love

19. Go to Vegas with Vato. Get glam, get wasted, get rich and maybe even get thrown in jail...

20. Visit Hermano in Mexico

21. Take my father to Scotland and Ireland and my mother wherever she wants, even if it's Nordstrom's

22. Create many things with my imagination and my hands

23. Drive a convertible across the U.S.A.

24. Cultivate meaningful friendships with people from all over the world

25. Inspire others while they inspire me

Ideal Self Project & The Bucket List

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. - Epictetus

I visualized my Ideal Self and began taking appropriate action about 3 weeks ago. I also quit smoking (again) on October 26th. Let's see how long I can keep it up.


The Ideal Self

1. Working with privates around Seoul
2. Cultivating valuable relationships with students
3. Drinking in moderation (4 drinks/week and no more than 2 in any 24-hour period)
4. Reading more
5. Eating healthy
6. Sustaining meaningful friendships
7. Exercising 4 times/week
8. Waking up early...ugh
9. Staying positive
10. Practicing fiscal responsibility


The Bucket List

1. Visit New Zealand, Kenya, Turkey, Vietnam, Australia, Egypt, Alaska and Argentina
2. Own a dog
3. Solo skydive
4. Run a marathon (okay, maybe a half marathon)
5. Never have an incompetant idiot as a boss

I will add more to my Bucket List in due time, but that's what I have for now and that alone should keep be quite busy.

Life Update

An accurate, brief and concise explanation of where my life is and my thoughts on a number of issues related to it..

I. Work in Korea. It's been great but sometime in mid-2010, I know I will be ready to leave. The school and academy systems here are such a complete joke and I'd bet my left shoe that 98% of children aren't learning a damned thing. Related to that are my serious issues with Korean parenting. Refer to IV or that. As of November 30, 2009, I will not be working at a school of ANY kind. Instead, I will get work when and with whom I can teaching adults in business and casual settings while living as comfortably, yet cheaply as possible.

II. Transitioning. I've got a place to live until late February so I'm feeling quite good about that. In the meantime, I'm trying to score private work on the side. It's been a little tough doing both. I know that once this regular job is over, I'll be MUCH more available to meet and make clients. This past year has taught me a lot about positive thinking and initiative. With the social skills I have and my "gifted, but not genius" IQ, I don't forsee any real problems in securing employment for myself. More commuting, yes. More stress because it can be unreliable, sure. More freedom, that's the only word I needed to hear. :) Yes.

III. Big fish in small ponds. After over 2 years, I really am starting to feel how I felt in junior year of high school. Might be why I didn't stay for senior year, haha.. Anyway, I know that in the next 6 - 9 months I will reach the apex of all that I can gain from being in Korea. I LOVE the people, the culture, the way of life. I truly do. But it can having a mind-numbing effect on an individual as well. Lack of qualified intellects is certainly one problem. In my opinion, about 65% of the expat male population here is LBH (Losers Back Home) and not to mention the plethora of social awkwardness -- weirdos from other countries come to Korea, where thanks to language barriers their deficiencies aren't as easily detected.. I may be painting a dreary picture, but stay here long enough, and you'll get it.

IV. Korean parenting. What the hell is up with this coddling shit that Koreans are so good at? Is a paper cut really the end of the world? Toughen these kids up! Hit them a little bit. Seriously. I see children hitting their mothers and the mothers not even embarassed by it. It's sickening! These parents want their children to grow up to become lawyers, doctors and businessmen. But if a child can't even learn how to tie a shoe lace by age 7 or wipe their own ass by 16, what the hell kind of citizens are they going to become? I am truly convinced that these bored stay-at-home mothers are doing more damage than good to their children -- just my opinion though. Thank God I'm an American. Am I feeling culturally superior right now? Yes. Unless you live here and can see it for yourself, you'll just have to take my word for it.

V. Best for last. I have been reunited with the love of my life, Dude. Fate has brought us back together, this time for good. The plan is to see each other as much as possible between now and when I leave Korea. If all works as we are hoping it will, I will be relocating to the proper Southern U.S. to be with the Man of my Dreams. It's so cliche sounding, I know. But until you meet the "One", all that romantic shit sounds corny. So despite all these minor issues I am having in Korea, I feel so incredibly blessed. Dude is crazy about me and treats me like a princess, even when I tell him not to. And I love him the way I've always wanted to love someone -- truly, honestly and passionately.

Present Perfect

Present Perfect - in English, the part of speech indicating an action previously completed but of some relevance to the present. Formed by using the present form of have (have or has) with a past participle.

I have loved.
I have surfed in the Indian Ocean.
I have skydived in the Tyrol mountain of Austria.
I have laughed until I thought my stomach would burst.
I have seen the Eiffel Tower light up at night while gagging on escargot.

I have packed my life into 3 suitcases.
I have ridden a bicycle though Amsterdam.
I have cried tears of pain and those of joy too.
I have prayed for one more chance at Cheonggye Stream.


I have fought and healed.
I have hurt and been hurt.
I have drunk too much and regretted it later.
I have written postcards while sitting next to the Colosseum.

I have run barefoot in the rain.
I have broken rules made by others.
(So I made some of my own.
Then broke those, too.)
I have gazed at the Sistine Chapel.
I have climbed the Great Wall of China.

I have felt the presence of God.
I have swum with clothes on in Omaha.
I have been inked in Mexico while drunk.
I have smoked sheesha in Koh Phangan, Thailand.
I have wished upon shooting stars on a rooftop in Idaho.
I have stared at the Astronomical Clock in Prague's Old Town Sqaure.

I have learned a lot of German.
I have learned some Korean, too.
I have eaten dog soup and scorpions on a stick.
I have rocked out, passed out and lucked out.
I have hiked the desert of southern Utah.

I have done so much.

But there is still much do to... The promise of more to come fills me with hope and excitement. With only one shot at life, I refuse to say 'no' to whatever opportunities Life brings me. When I die, I want to say that I have lived and done so fully, with no regrets..

Beijing

On Beijingers

An amazing city in most regards. Creepy at times with the nationalist songs blaring on the megaphones, all the undercover policemen hanging around, and the censorship of sites like youtube and facebook, but full of hard-working, dynamic citizens. Abrasive in business but friendly otherwise, the Chinese are some of the most interesting people I've met.. Beijing is like any other capital city with its malls, sites, traffic and subways. But the real life was in the hutongs, the traditional alleyways where a fair majority of the people live. Children playing with their neighbor friends (as most have no siblings of their own), women hanging laundry, men gathered around cart tables drinking and playing card games...this was the real Beijing. I didn't take pictures of these things. It's rude and an invasion of privacy, in my opinion. And I was too shy to ask. And it's not as organic. It's best to go and experience those human moments for yourself...

The skyline at night

On Nationalism

I had a wonderful time in Beijing! I had the accidental priviledge of being there for the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China. The city center of Beijing was closed off for the military parade. I spent my second day inside the hostel watching TV like most of the other Beijingers. Pride, progress, power and precision were the overarching themes that I took from the whole thing. China has an interesting history and an even more intersting place in the future of the global economy. Due to the anniversary the city was packed to near capacity for most of my stay. It felt a lot like central Seoul on a normal day, but it still amazing to see all the people from all over China gather together in Beijing to celebrate their country. The Beijing Olympics were pivotal for China to show it's face to the world and prove that it was a force to be reckoned with. Witnessing the parade was a reminder of what people en masse are capable of. Scary? Depends.. Amazing, inspiring and even emotional? Definitely..

Women Marching in Tiananmen Square (they were measured for EXACT physical measurements. The timing and precision of the marches was almost unhuman. Reminded me of the Olympics opening ceremony)

On The Human Body

In addition to the parade, I was able to attend the Chinese Acrobatics show at the Tiandi Theatre. Holy shit! I don't know how they move and bend and coordinate so exactly. I was reminded of the beauty and form of the human body. Alone or in a large group, the acrobats performed some unbelievale feats! 12 girls fitting on one bicycle? The picture below was not even the coolest thing I saw. They are spinning plates on sticks while jumping, flipping and balancing on each other! It was a beautiful display of art, dance, body and music. A very moving experience that speaks to the beauty of the human body and life itself. What amazing things we are capable of!

Chinese Acrobats (picture I took illegally...oops)

On Fate

My first night I ate at a lovely restaurant called The Olive. It's funny how I was drawn to it from the beginning. I was meant to go because the executive chef/owner, Cristelle, was quite friendly and invited me out with her and her friends that night. We talked over wine about France (she's from France), cooking, world travel, documentaries, men, life..etc... I felt so lucky to have been adopted on my first night. I visited the expat section of town and met some interesting people. And when I say interesting I mean fuckin' weird. I'm glad I had Cristelle there looking out for me. All in all it was a fun night. Fate is funny. Sometimes it lures you in with good lighting and large, open windows or maybe it's the terrace with the smallest hint of smoking trinckling into the city air..

Inside of The Olive. I love the understated, yet fresh feeling of the place

The outside of The Olive. Perfect atmosphere for a bottle of wine, some cigarettes and conversations about anything and everything with anyone and everyone...

Me and Cristelle, owner and executive chef of The Olive

On Saying "Ni Hao!"

On my second night in Beijing, I befriended my hostel neighbor, Luis. We had met the day we checked in and I gave him my room number. I thought it would be fun to make a friend to see the city with. I'm so glad that we exchanged out little notes because in 4 days, I made an incredible friend. Luis and I had so much in common and had similar travelling styles. After just a couple days, I felt like I was travelling with my best friend. Had it not been for Luis, I don't think I would have had as much fun in Beijing. I really miss our inside jokes and our conversations on movies, books, travel and life in general. If nothing else, I know that I was brought to Beijing to meet him. I miss you, Luis. :(

On Wonders

The combined length of all the parts of the Wall can go ALMOST around the world. It took 2,000 years to build and is considered to be the longest cemetary in the world. And NO, it cannot be seen far from space, only in low-orbit. It's a myth debunked by none other than China's first astronaut into space, Yang Liwei. It is a humbling experience to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World. What truly amazing things humans are capable of! In one lifetime or over a hundred...

Me at the Great Wall

On Culinary Adventures

The Chinese cuisine includes some strange stuff like seahorses, donkeys, rabbit hearts, cockroaches and bullfrogs. Before my trip to Beijing, I decided that I wanted to eat some scorpions. Why? Well just to say I'd done it...and I think I saw it on some TV show back in the States. Surprisingly, they didn't taste all that bad. Overcooked chicken with a mild curry sauce is the best comparison I can make. I got some looks from people. It seems that even the Chinese don't regularly eat these interesting specimens. Maybe the scorpions are there for tourists like me. Oh well, at least now I can say I did it. I ate 4 scorpions.

On Being a Tourist

You gotta see what the hype is all about. Get your feet wet and be at one with everyone else. But once you're done with it all, get away and EXPLORE off the beaten trail.

Me with Chairman Mao, showing my Chinese pride

Luis and me

An Afternoon at The Summer Palace

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Zipping around on bicycles with Luis. Trying to get lost in the hutongs and NOT get hit by cars and buses. I did slightly better than Luis. Luis nearly gave me a heartattack when he almost got hit by a cab and a bus within 40 minutes of each other. Admittedly though, we got a rush from riding out at night, without helmets. An innocent brush with danger is good for everyone once in a while, right?

They really do all look alike. The bikes, I mean.

There is much more to say about my time in China, but by far the best thing was meeting Luis. Friends are what matter most in life. Travel is great by itself; you get a flavor of the culture, pick up some phrases and become one with the heartbeat unique to each city. If you're lucky, you might even get adopted by a local or a crazy, cool expat. And if you're REALLY lucky, you meet a lifelong friend. Life is awesome no matter where you go. But you have to find happiness with where you already are, otherwise all the travel in the world won't bring you any step closer to what it is you think you may be looking for. Leave the rest to Fate, and good things will come, no matter where in the World you may be...

Martini Backpacker's Pre-Birthday Reflections

This time last year, I wrote with hopeful anticipation for my future as well as a big sense of accomplishment for the time that had passed. This year is no different. Turning 25 is still freaking me out a bit, but I also realize that I've been truly blessed in my life and there is still so much to look forward to.

With each year, life gets better and better. Sure, it also gets more complicated in some respects, but I would never trade the now for any then. Living and working in Korea for 2 years has taught me the value of freedom and choice. Sure, being a kid is fun, but I would never trade that for the choices that I am able to make each day. I am happier, less stressed and a better, stronger person in general now than I ever was. And for that I am so grateful. I always wanted to be an adult and now maybe a part of me has finally become one! :)

Between 24 and 25, I quit smoking for 7 months (too bad I started up again, though), took up running again, started a book club in Seoul, found a soul mate, endured heartbreak, healed, embraced uncertainty, travelled, made amazing new friends, discovered the power of positive thinking, had only 3 panic attacks, became more comfortable in my own skin, and was a witness to the existence of Fate. When I look back, I can't believe all that has happened!

I'm not sure yet where I'd like to hone my energy for the 25-26 year, but I know it will come to me very shortly. I have a weekend full of fun things to do with friends from the 25th to the 27th, an entire week off from work and a 5-day trip to Beijing to help me actualize some goals. I am rather positive that the next two weeks will be celebratory as well as reflective.

A little over a year ago, I wrote, "The story of my life certainly seems to rhyme (in reference to Samuel Clemens' quote that 'History does not repeat, but it does rhyme'.). Feelings, thoughts, events, people and dreams seem to surface and resurface - manifesting in different forms each time. My search for happiness and excitement will be one that lasts my entire life. I know that each year brings me closer to whatever it is I am looking for. I am just grateful to be alive, experiencing all that life has to offer."

Today, I can read that and agree with everything except the part about my search for happiness lasting a lifetime. No, that came to an end sometime this last year. I'm not sure when, but it sort of happened when I wasn't paying attention. Sure, I will continually pursue excitement, but the happiness part I believe I have taken care of. Not that I wasn't happy before, I just started to appreciate the nows and think less about the tomorrows and next weeks. I was too busy thinking ahead to realize what I already had. Remembering to live and stay in the present will be a mental process that will require time and patience.

I want no gifts for my birthday. Why? Because the greatest things in Life I already have. I know that no matter where I go or who I meet, I have God on my side. I will make lots of friends in this lifetime and cultivate meaningful relationships. Whatever I choose to put my heart and mind into, I will succeed. Life has been so good to me, what more could I ask for? Nothing.

Well, maybe one more martini...

Bert Stern's "Marilyn Monroe: The Last Sitting"

I saw Bert Stern's "Marilyn Monroe: The Last Sitting" photo exhibit at the Chosun Ilbo Gallery in Seoul yesterday. Taken just 6 weeks before her "suicide"/overdose in 1962 for Vogue magazine, the photographs offer a stark, honest contrast to the Marilyn that most of the world knew. Though she is still vibrant, beautiful and flirtatious in most of the pictures, some of the photos cannot hide the dark, sad truth underneathe her beauty and fame. Alcoholism and drug addiction along with a large body scar (from gallbladder surgery), sad, aged eyes and undeniable foreshadowing of death are all but too apparent at this exhibit. It was still beautiful, but extremely sad at the same time. So much lurked beneathe the surface of this woman at a time that the world wasn't listening, only looking.Such a diverse woman! Underneathe her seductive and playful sex symbol status, you can clearly see that she was damaged, pensive and desperate.

The scar on her stomach was editted out in some versions of these photos. However, I like the ones with the scars. More honest (and beautiful) in my opinion.

Personality, humour and a good heart are all too often overshadowed by society's focus on sex appeal. When sent the negatives for the photo shoot, Marilyn had taken a red pen and had drawn large X's on herself in some of the photos. They used these in the exhibit and they were among some of my favourites. In some other photos she is seen with jewels and diamonds and seems to be smothered and suffocated by them, clearly no accident. In another, her smile is perfect, but her eyes are incredibly sad. And in others, she seems to be at ease rolling around seductively on the bed. What was Marilyn trying to tell the world in these photos? Bert Stern may well have been the last person to see the real Marilyn, the complex woman behind the camera. If there's anything to learn about Marilyn in the weeks leading up to her death, Bert Stern's photo collection is arguable as good a starting point as any other.

I can't help but notice how sad and old she looks here.
A bit morbid, it looks like the pearls and jewels have killed her. Coincidence or symbolism?
She made that mark herself. They decided to keep the marks she made in a lot of the pictures. The cross symbolism is unmistakeable. Did she somehow sense that she was going to die? I bought a small print of this picture as well as the one taken on the bed with her and Bert. When I have my "home", I plan on hanging them up on my wall. Should make for intesesting conversation pieces...

"The truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving someone I wasn't. When they found this out, they would blame me for disillusioning them and fooling them."
Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

5K

After 3 months of NOT running, I finally ran that elusive 5K last night and just in time before my birthday!!! I've done it many times before but usually with a 1 -3 minute fast walk in between. This time, I went straight through. Now I want to work on my speed. I think that adding more distance could potentially get boring, so instead I'll work on stamina. At a later time, I'll train for distance, like say when I go truly crazy and decide to run a half marathon.

Fernando Botero in Seoul

I received free tickets to the Fernando Botero exhibit about a month and a half ago from a student's mother. I took Ji Sun with me and it was quite interesting. Botero is Columbian and uses a unique style whereby he exaggerates the volume of all the subjects. His paintings were diverse, ranging from food still lifes to lively bull fights, circus scenes and portraits. But every subject had that distinct "bloated" look. Some of his paintings have disturbing facial features, such as a glare or a closs-eyed expression. I can't say that any of his people were actually beautiful, but I found the food and circus paintings the most aesthetically pleasing. There were also some women that were clearly men dressed as such, not sure where that comes from. Anyway, I'm glad I got the free tickets. Soon, I want to go see the Marilyn Monroe exhibit. It's her last photo shoot before her suicide, so I think it will be interesting.