Me, well I've got a few. First, I enjoy drinking. It's a great mood booster or boredom killer, the right amount can really liven things up but too much and it's nothing but pain the day after. I've recently cut WAY back on my alcohol intake. Whereas I used to drink a few drinks a few times a week, I'm now drinking once a week and when I do it's a drink or two. I feel clear headed, more upbeat and surprised at just how fun life can be with the right people, the right music or movie and alcohol doesn't really need to be a part of the equation. I was inspired to reduce my drinking when a close friend of mine told me about her personal struggles with alcohol. She's been sober for almost 2 years and I'm amazed at what an alcohol-free lifestyle can offer. She's living proof that life can be amazing without alcohol.
Second, I like smoking cigarettes. It's a great companion on a lunch break or an excuse to take a break from work in the first place. Ever noticed how people don't take a mini yoga break or a fresh air break, but all the smokers can convene to take 10 away from work? Maybe that's why so many people enjoy it. It represents a break from the tedium. They also accompany drinking and friends so there's that association as well. They're also synonymous with deep thinking and cool introverts in the movies. Or bad-asses and 50's sex symbols. Maybe deep down we all wis we could be like that, but we're not we're not smelly dirty smokers. Quitting smoking is a tough task. I've quit for 7 months at a time. That had a lot to do with having a social circle that didn't smoke. I know I can do it again, it's just about being stubborn as hell about not smoking regardless of who around me might be.
And lastly, the most difficult addiction for me is FOOD. I love food - not just eating it but learning about it, preparing it and sharing it with others. There isn't a single culture in the history of the world that didn't have significant importance attached to food. I eat when I'm happy, proud, sad, mad, angry, bored and sometimes when I'm hungry too. But the time has come where I want to have control over not just what I eat but how much I eat. I want to change my relationship with food into one where I eat to live and not where I live to eat. Sure, I want to enjoy treats and have delicious food - life is too short to be on a 'diet'. I could never be one to restrict an entire fod group from my palette but I need to learn the fine line between nourishment and numbness. Ever eaten so much that you just feel disgusting and sort of numb? Yea, that sucks. I've been doing well on Weight Watchers and I'm steadily losing weight. I feel happier when I eat because I know I'm eating what my body needs. I also enjoy my treats more because they're farther and fewer between. My hope is to lose 40 pounds over the course of a year is that's what it takes. I don't have an exact weight in mind I just know how it looks and feels. I want to treat my body well and I know that getting a hold of my eating habits is the biggest step for me.
A fourth addiction for me is Underpants Days, i.e. my lazy time. I love to just lounge and kick my feet up and watch TV. There's nothing I love more than napping on a Sunday or sleeping in those extra 20 minutes on a weekday. That being said, I also love the satisfaction of having exercised. Be it yoga or running or tai chi or a brisk walk, the endorphins and the tingle I get from exercise can't really be compared to anything else. Our bodies crave activity. We were meant to run and be outside and move our bodies. A state of laziness makes sore muscles, flabby middles and a sour disposition. I can enjoy my lazy time but I think it would feel better if I work out beforehand so as to better appreciate it.
So there they are, my addictions. It's a slow process but I'm slowly starting to control my bad addictions and replace them with healthier ones. I want to control my eating without restricting myself. I want to drink alcohol when there's an occasion to do so and not just because I want to feel numb or stop feeling numb. I want to quit cigarettes entirely and if I happen to smoke one once in a while, no biggie. And I want to take my love of physical comfort to a new level where I challenge my body to levels of discomfort in order to make it stronger and work better for me, thereby making 'lazy time' into a healing time and not a catatonic time.
I know addiction is a tough thing. Some people have one, but a lot of us have several. I wonder if there's a way to channel the addictive parts of our personalities - the wiring in our brains that want us to be happy - into healthy addictions that actual do make us happy and not just the typical ones that keep us enslaved and ever wanting more, just a little bit more of something that we can never have. I wonder..
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